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Help wanted ads

Discussion in 'Open Discussion (Work-safe)' started by CCI, Jan 4, 2005.

  1. CCI

    CCI Metal Rules

    Ever look at the Help wanted ads and wonder what they really mean Here is our guide to Job Search Lingo ::

    **"Competitive Salary"
    We remain competitive by paying you less than our competition.

    **"Join our fast-paced company"
    We have no time to train you.

    **"Casual work atmosphere"
    We don't pay enough to expect that you will dress up; a couple of the real daring guys wear earrings.

    **"Some overtime required"
    Some every night and some every weekend.

    **"Duties will vary"
    Anyone in the office can boss you around.

    **"Must have an eye for detail"
    We have no quality assurance.

    Female applicants must be childless (and remain that way).

    **"Apply in person"
    If you're old, fat or ugly you'll be told that the position has been filled.

    **"Seeking candidates with a wide variety of experience"
    You'll need it to replace the three people who just quit.

    **"Problem-solving skills a must"
    You're walking into perpetual chaos.

    **"Requires team leadership skills"
    You'll have the responsibilities of a manager, without the pay or respect.

    **"Good communication skills"
    Management communicates, you listen, figure out what they want and do it.

    The other side of the coin ....
    Phrases for you to use in an interview:

    **"I'm extremely adept at all manner of office organization"
    I've used Microsoft Office.

    **"I'm honest, hard-working and dependable"
    I pilfer office supplies.

    **"I take pride in my work"
    I blame others for any mistakes.

    **"I'm personable"
    I give lots of unsolicited personal advice to co-workers.

    **"I am very adaptable"
    I've changed jobs a lot.

    **"I am on the go"
    I'm never at my desk.

    **"I'm highly motivated to succeed"
    The minute I find a better job, I'm outta here.
  2. The KSB

    The KSB 4-4-11/11-5-11

    ** Must be a team player - willing to get fucked in the ass while your manager takes all credit
  3. Buckeyeskickbuttocks

    Buckeyeskickbuttocks Z --> Z^2 + c Staff Member


    Remind me to never ever apply for a "position" with your company.

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