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Funny stuff from bamas paper

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jimotis4heisman

jimotis4heisman

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http://www.cw.ua.edu/vnews/display.v/ART/2005/03/23/42411c5fd347d

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Casual observations of the female form


by Mat Benton
March 23, 2005



Somewhere in time, a lone hunter braved frigid temperatures, blinding weather and never-ending days of sunlight while tracking his dinner. As he trekked along, thoughts of whale blubber and caribou eyes filled his mind. If lucky, that night he would dine on seal, and he could thank his Ugg boots for keeping his feet warm and frostbite-free while saying his premeal grace. Oh what a journey the Ugg boot has made, what an unfortunate journey indeed.

Ladies, you have been bamboozled; someone is playing a horribly ridiculous joke on you, and you have taken the bait. I choose to warn you now because I am a huge fan of your gender, and I can no longer idly sit while you embarrass yourselves.

Until this evil genius who has managed to make so many of you less attractive is exposed, I will attempt to uncover some of the plots that have already affected a large portion of your sex.

It all began a few years ago with those hideous creations: the capri pant. You don't believe me? You thought they were cute? Quick, ask a guy around you right now if he likes his girlfriend in capri pants. Unless she is within earshot, or happens to be you, the answer will be no.

Unfortunately, it doesn't end there. No, that crazy evil genius had more plans in store. The Ugg boots, which I call seal hunters, are sure to evoke a chuckle from any group of guys you walk by. Yet that isn't the craziest thing you ladies have been brainwashed to wear. Rubber boots. Yes, rubber boots, like the kind you wear over your shoes when it rains. But you wear them when it isn't raining.

Hell, you wear them to bars. I understand the evil genius has mind-numbing methods of manipulation: "Sex in the City," Cosmo, MTV, your big sis -- but seriously, what are you thinking? Your gender invented an asinine rule that you couldn't wear white after Labor Day, yet you wear forest green galoshes to a bar.

I wish I could end here, but no, the madness continues. I now see you girls wearing a crossbreed capri pant-sweat pant. Now I know where I first saw this hideous style of pantaloon. The popular TV show Cops actually has featured this style in its wardrobes since its first televised arrest in a trailer park. One can only imagine why it took so long for this pant's design to catch hold, but it has somehow now become a popular choice for workout wear (what happened to spandex?).

Even sunglasses have now even crossed the line of absurdity. Gentlemen, have you seen the size of sunglasses girls are wearing on this campus? Their head disappears behind two UV-protecting orbs that resemble the eyes of an insect. Although these glasses look silly, I confess that some practical use could come from the actual lens. Perhaps a lens could be removed from the frame and used as a plate while picnicking, a Frisbee or even a snow sled, but somehow I doubt it.

Well girls, there are my rants and raves about the sorry state of affairs of fashion on this campus. As temperatures rise, I urge all of you to challenge the fashion trends that have become the norm around here. Instead of capri pants, how about a nice pair of daisy dukes? Now there's a trend no man ever complained about.

Mat Benton is a second-year law student.
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Capri pants got that name because the Isle of Capri (near Naples) is about the same distance down the coast of Italy as the pants go down the leg.

Aren't you glad you know that now?
 
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BuckeyeBill73 said:
Capri pants got that name because the Isle of Capri (near Naples) is about the same distance down the coast of Italy as the pants go down the leg.

Aren't you glad you know that now?
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And I thought I was gay for even knowing what they were!!!
 
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I don't care how hot the girl is, how nice her body is, how attractive she is....capri pants suck. Yeah, some girls look good in them....but they also look good in normal pants. And they look even better in a short skirt. I hate those stupid pants.
 
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Old Fart Observations: 1. Women dress for other women, not for men.
2. a good looking lady can wear a burlap bag and look good.
3. If you think capri pants look stupid, take a glance at men with plastic cap straps across their forehead.
4. No one other than a real baseball catcher should wear a baseball hat backwards and then only when catching.
5. The best part of growing older is that my definition of "good looking woman" keeps expanding. When I was 16 I couldn't imagine anyone over 19 looking good. Now that I'm 62 I find that I still like looking at cute teenagers as well as some of my female peers that have taken care of themselves. Beauty IS in the eye of the beholder.
 
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andy roddick wears capri pants.

i had no idea what an Ugg boot was....so i googled it. behold.
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cincibuck said:
Old Fart Observations: 1. Women dress for other women, not for men.
2. a good looking lady can wear a burlap bag and look good.
3. If you think capri pants look stupid, take a glance at men with plastic cap straps across their forehead.
4. No one other than a real baseball catcher should wear a baseball hat backwards and then only when catching.
5. The best part of growing older is that my definition of "good looking woman" keeps expanding. When I was 16 I couldn't imagine anyone over 19 looking good. Now that I'm 62 I find that I still like looking at cute teenagers as well as some of my female peers that have taken care of themselves. Beauty IS in the eye of the beholder.
Click to expand...
pervert. looking at younger girls. :shake:
 
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